Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
