1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i drank out of a bidet.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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