I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
