if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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