His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
