I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I deserve this hangover.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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