So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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