when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
