My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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