I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i came on her dog
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
