yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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