he puts the penis in happiness.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
