I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
