Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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