this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
