Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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