I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
