so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
