you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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