Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
