Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
