they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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