Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
40s are totally the cure
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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