I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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