I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
