Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
