Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
