new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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