insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
