question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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