Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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