Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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