please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
