I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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