Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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