had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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