i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
