oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Are we still banned from the library?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
