Cold hands, warm shart.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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