There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
