i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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