Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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