i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
