Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We are all done wearing pants today
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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