Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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