Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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