It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
