there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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