I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
