I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
