i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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