woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
