don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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