I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
